Jane Stevenson of Helena, Montana died on Nov. 13, 2019, after a long struggle with dementia. She is survived by – her husband, Ed, of Helena; her sons Jeff Barber (Denise) of Helena and Chris Barber (Liz) of Boca Raton, Florida; grandchildren Audrey, Evan, Christina, June, William, Grace and Jacob; and siblings Kenny Haizlip of Joplin, Missouri, Jim Haizlip of Dallas, Texas, and Sandra Stoner of Sacramento, California.
Jane was born in a farmhouse in Southwest Missouri on March 8, 1939, and was raised as a farm kid under her father’s motto “Laziness will kill you!” The work ethic she displayed in later life would show that the motto had its impact! She was the first in her family to attend college and went on to become a successful business owner and community leader. She was a trailblazer and broke many of the molds that constrained women of her generation. But her greatest gift was her ability and willingness to love people; Jane was one of the most courageous and at the same time one of the kindest persons anyone could hope to meet. Courage plus kindness = love.
After college, Jane married Dale Barber of Kansas City, Kansas, and they had two sons, Chris and Jeff. As a military wife, Jane and her family moved often – Wichita Falls, Texas; Midwest City, Oklahoma (where her sons were born); Japan for nearly three years before leaving the military and settling in a suburb of Kansas City. During this time Jane was focused on raising her boys. After divorcing, Jane worked fulltime at a variety of jobs to provide for her sons, for a time as a single mom. Regardless of the economic and emotional challenges, both of Jane’s sons will say that they always had their mom’s full love, attention and support.
In 1975 Jane met Ed Stevenson. “Love at first sight” may be a cliché, but that glimpse at a party at a friend’s house had a sledgehammer impact on Ed. It started a process that led to 43 wonderful years of enjoyment of kids, hard work, travel, silliness, all with extensive mutual support and deep mutual appreciation and affection.
In 1984, Jane showed her entrepreneurial spirit and work ethic by establishing The Wall Place, an art and framing store that grew to become a successful home décor enterprise. Jane was also a voracious reader and in the late 80’s helped start and lead a women’s Book Club that is still meeting. She was an active participant in all of the churches which Ed served and taught a variety of adult classes. Alongside all this Jane found time to volunteer for 15 years at the Kansas State Women’s Prison. The main part of the work was helping prepare, in both psychological and practical ways, women who were scheduled to be released from incarceration. Ultimately because of this work, Jane was named volunteer of the year for the state of Kansas.
In 2010, Jane and Ed left Kansas City to move to Helena to be near their son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. For a number of years in Helena Jane led a memoir-writing group, during which she finished her own memoir and helped a number of others write the important stories of their lives.
Jane will be sorely missed by her family and friends. The world has lost a bright light, but we trust that Heaven is already somewhat better organized than it was a few days ago!
A typed-out note taped above her desk reads: “All the good you will do in life will come not from you but from the fact that you have allowed yourself, in the obedience of faith, to be used by God’s love. Think of this more and more, and gradually you will be free from the need to prove yourself. Then you can be more open to the power that will work through you without your knowing it.” (Source unknown)
Addendum from Ed
Chris, Jeff and I collectively crafted Jane’s obituary and I felt like it was/is very true to who she was. But after reading and re-reading it for several days I felt we had left something out. We had talked about many of the wonderful things she had done and many of the wonderful ways she had blessed our lives, PRE-dementia. But we did not talk about this last phase of her life and how she had carried herself through its distress and frustration. She did it beautifully, but how do you concretely describe the sort of beauty some people display as they are going through restlessness and pain, sadness and confusion?
When anyone would come to the house, even up to the very last week of her life, Jane would ask, “What’s been happening with you?” and “Can we get you something?” (Usually she offered ice cream!) She loved seeing kids, especially pre-schoolers and would smile and laugh at them and interact with them if they were willing. She brightened anytime she saw Buddy, our dog, and spent as much time as possible petting him or sleeping with him. Our kids and grandkids, in person or in pictures, brought immediate, very special smiles to her face. In the midst of the ever-increasing difficulties of moving around or doing other routine, daily-care tasks, I would sometimes get irritable – she never did. l needed and got her forgiveness a lot; she needed mine hardly at all. When I was fixing food or doing some other household chore she would ask, even up until the last week, “How can I help?” or “What am I supposed to do?” Even as her horrendous physical and mental weakening took place, she wanted to help. I think one of the things that made her most sad was that she could no longer contribute in those sorts of ways. Up until the last two months we really enjoyed BBC mysteries – some of them pretty hokey, some just really good character studies. As she had done all our life together she enjoyed the humor and had an intuitive grasp of the feelings of the characters in those TV shows. Up until the last month we enjoyed ice cream every night – sometimes twice a night! The playful, two-way teasing lasted almost to the end. As long as it was physically possible, even up until the very last moments, she continued to give and take hugs. Some time in the past month she said, “I don’t want to live like this” and said, several times, “Can’t we get this over with?” She said almost daily, “Can we go home?” As always in her life, she was ready to do what needed to be done and to do it as quickly and effectively as possible, with as little trouble to others as possible. No self-pity. Never any self-pity. Truly a beautiful life.
Since Jane was so involved in programs assisting abused women with their recovery process, the family suggests memorial contributions to Safehome, Inc. (safehome-ks.org), P.O. Box 4563, Overland Park, KS 66204. This organization’s mission is to break the cycle of domestic violence and abuse for victims and their children by providing shelter, advocacy, and counseling.
The family plans to hold a memorial service at the Fasken Cemetery at some future date which is yet to be arranged.
